And remember people - vote with your head, not your emotions.
And now, the candidates:
TICKET 1
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THE INCUMBENT - Rob reigns supreme in the beard growing arts, and has the experience people respect. He is up for another term.
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HIS RUNNING MATE - Bwack is a relative newcomer to beard growing, but has impressed people the world over with his abilities and folksy hair growth.
WHERE THEY STAND ON THE ISSUES:
*They believe in putting beards first.
*Everyone has the right to a beard.
*Its your beard, you worked hard for it, and no one should be able to take it away from you.
*A beard begins the day you do not shave. That said, everyone has the right to own a beard trimmer.
*No new mandatory trimming!
TICKET 2
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THE OPPOSING CANDIDATE - Hogan offers change in beard growing. Also, hope for future beards.
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HIS RUNNING MATE - Mark has a beard that is strong on jawlines, as well as mustaches.
WHERE THEY STAND ON THE ISSUES:
*Hope.
*Yes they can.
*No one with under 250 follicles will notice any difference. After that, we need to spread the beard around.
*Change
*"You can put conditioner on a beard, but its still a beard!"
LAST MINUTE WRITE-IN CANDIDATE: TICKET 3
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THE STACHE-ATARIAN - Not happy with a simple two party system, Jack has entered the race at the last minute in true maverick style.
WHERE HE STANDS ON THE ISSUES:
*America needs more than two parties. A mustache is just as viable an option in a leader as a beard.
*Only through mustaches can peace and prosperity be realized.
*Individuals are free to grow mustaches without the interference of any governing beard policy.
*"The current big Beardastration has made a mockery of individuals rights with regards to facial hair, and needs to be scaled back in significant fashion. Preferably in the form of a mustache."
Ticket 1, Ticket 2, or Ticket 3?
This is the most important election we have had amongst the band in a long time. DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY! VOTE NOW!!!!!!!!