The season is upon us. The season of back-to-school sales, catching up after an all too short summer break, and checking out that hot new classmate that just moved from Wisconsin. It goes without saying that with the onset of a new school year comes a vital need to know about the latest fashions and looks so as to stay ahead of the game.
Now, we all know that the right sneakers will make you jump higher and run faster. The correct choice of trousers can make or break that English test. But what about hair? What can the right hairstyle do for you?
That is where the new Crowder Band Guide to Ironic Hair (for men)comes in. Yes, the right ironic hairstyle could be the thing to break you into the big time. But which ironic hairstyle is the correct choice for your personality? Well, it depends on your goals and aspirations. Decide what you want to say, consult the handy chart below, and most importantly have fun!
Note: If you drive a Trans-am or old Firebird and have a mullet, there is no irony involved. At all.
The Burr: For those who lean more to the military style of life. It is a very domineering haircut that means business and is not afraid to tell you about it. Seeing as how this is still popular with the K through 6 set and actual military personnel, it is not recommended. In this day and age there is not much irony involved unless you can grow a mustache, in which case, “you’re in like flint.”
The Anglo (or the Bushwacker): Have you seen his hair? Awesome.
Now for facial hair. Any use of creative hair farming that harkens back to a bygone era will enhance an ironic haircut. Be mindful of taking things too far, though. It may be advisable to pick either haircut or facial hair, but not both. If you try too hard, you could cease to be ironic and simply become a weirdo who can’t let go of the Dukes of Hazard.
Please consult the handy picture chart below to pick your style of choice. Pair with some Capt. Beefheart chops and you’re good to go. And remember, the important thing is to have fun, but the more important thing is to make people laugh.
Oh yeah, be sure to keep an eye out for the Crowder Band bringing ridiculous hair to your area soon. They don’t mind being laughed at.