So I asked myself, what can I write about which will bring the year to a close, wrapping it up in a nice little green package with a big fat red bow and tucking it under the tree for the family cat to play with? And the answer was easy… the cop out of all cop outs… the best of list! Now, I don’t recall if I did this last year, but if I did, behold!
THE SECOND ANNUAL CROWDER BAND BEST OF LIST, 2003!
It’s been a banner year! But before I continue, please know this. I did not consult any other band members about what they think the best parts of the year have been. In a way, I guess you could say that the second annual Crowder Band best of list, 2003, is more accurately the second annual Crowder Band best of list, 2003, as compiled and decided by Hogan. So, with that out of the way, let us proceed.
Best band event of the year: Our album dropped, yo. In it’s first week it be-bopped and scatted its way all the way up to number 1 on the charts! YES!
Best use of ridiculous language in a band news article: Just now, using the Seinfeld quote “be-bopped and scatted.” Classic.
Best television premier as seen by the band while on the road: Rich Girls. Oh, man, you couldn’t beat that stuff with a stick, not even if you tried!
Best television debut by a band member/members: That silly toothbrush commercial. It shall never die.
Best records I discovered this year while on the road, excluding our own record, of course: It’s a draw. Either the debut album from a band called The Postal Service, one of the two E.P.s released by Eisley, or “O” by Damien Rice (which may have come out last year some time. But who cares, it rules.) So this is what you do. Go buy our record. Then go buy the others. Listen intently, and then call me in the morning.
Best place we ate at on the road: That place on the wharf in Monterey. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water and gives me the shakes (the Teeny Shakes, that is). Dear Lord, Heaven can exist on a plate…
Best improv blues song performed by a friend’s little daughter at the piano that pertains to Christmas: “My medicine is gone, my frog is dead, and Santa Claus is coming to town…”
And to top things off, I’m going to bring all of you guys around the Christmas tree in order to hammer the holiday spirit home.
Best email full of Christmas facts as sent by the boss man along with a writing assignment: think nutcrackers and candy canes. think reindeers and elves. think of the figgy pudding, the sugar plum fairies and the glistening tinsel. according to german folklore, the first tinsel was magically transformed from spider webs. what could be more festive i ask? legend has it that martin luther created the first christmas tree on a crisp winter's eve in 1510, when, while on a walk, he glimpsed the stars through the branches of a fir tree. inspired, he cut it down, brought it inside and adorned it with the candles representing the light from the night skies. another legend says the first tree was in strasbourg, germany in 1605. always believe the better story. the first patents for christmas tree stands in america were issued in 1876 but it wasn’t until 1899 that the stands could hold water. a single acre of living christmas trees generates enough oxygen to meet the daily requirement for eighteen humans. approximately one million acres of us soil are designated for christmas tree farms. irving berlin's white christmas as recorded by bing crosby in 1942 is the best selling single in history. the christmas tree industry employs 100,000 people. according to early english tradition, a woman who stands under the mistletoe and is not kissed, will not be married during the coming year. so please do not neglect your duty. you will feel responsible and sad and ‘tis not the season for that. there are many holiday plants that might make things more festive. when selecting a plant yourself, make sure it is clean, free of parasites, and at the start of its blooming season when you buy it (otherwise, the blooms will be over by christmas.) do not transport the plant in cold temperatures without first sealing it inside double garbage bags, with plenty of warm air trapped inside as insulation. freezing air is a shock to delicate plants. in german fairytales, snow is said to be feathers shaken from the queen of winter's mattress.
And there you have it. ‘Tis the season, and I’m still full of cheer. Time to break out the eggnog and tinsel. Santa Claus is coming to town…