“I dunno, I guess there just hasn’t been that much going on lately,” sighed news-scribe Mike Hogan in response to David Crowder’s questions on why the Christmas story was the first thing greeting visitors to the site, despite it now being the middle of January. “I’ll see what I can do…”
If he were to sit and think about it for a minute, he would realize that there is, in fact, plenty of news to report on now that Christmas is long past. For one, there is a remix album (Sunsets and Sushi) looming on the horizon that could possibly render all other remix albums useless. This claim is bold and completely accurate. The band will testify to it, as they have sat in an office in their church and listened to it over computer speakers in lieu of sitting in pews and listening to the sermon like they should, the heathens! And boy, is it good! (The remix album, not skipping the Sunday morning sermon.) They stand by the belief that if it rocks your socks off coming through computer speakers then it will do nothing short of blowing your mind if played through any other format. This claim is also completely accurate.
Also, Crowder is proud to present his first book, Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi, and hopes that all of you read it. If for no other reason, you need to pick it up out of respect for the marketing tie-in between it and the remix record. And the cover, which is quite nice in its minimalist green coloring. The band has not read the book yet, so it’s difficult to give a glowing review and say that it will change the world, except that it contains a passage on Nunzilla, Scourge of the Convent, and that alone makes it spine-crushingly awesome. We will go out on a limb and say that, based on the cover (and Nunzilla), that the book will change your life. You will read it. This, once again, is pure fact.
Also, the band has begun (slowly) working on tracks that will, by the grace of God, make themselves known on a new record. Don’t hold your collective breath as we are looking at a September release and it might prove awkward and bring some discomfort to remain oxygen deprived for such a length of time. We would instead humbly suggest a posture of quiet, keen, ardent expectation. Hands folded, fingers interlocking, eyes closed. This would be appreciated.
So, Hogan, there was plenty of news to report on. You only had to think about it a little. Try to not be so lazy in the future, okay? Right. And next time around, it won’t take so long to put up the news. For the last time, this is 100% accurate.