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HE'S GONE ROGUE!!!!!!!!!
Reports are still just coming in, but losing Vice Beard candidate, Mark Waldrop, defected from his party and went rogue this week, joining fellow Stachetarian member Jack Parker in support of a three party system.
On losing his one-time running mate, still bearded Mike Hogan said, "His views have changed in light of recent events in the H.O.T. (the Heart of Texas, for those on the outside). He believes that in order to change the problems within his party, he needs to make his voice heard within a different system, in the hopes that more people will now listen to him."
When asked if he was upset by the defection of such an important party member, he replied, "well, while there is a feeling of betrayal with regards to his going rogue, its hard to stay mad at him. I mean, have you seen that mustache? Its glorious. He looks like Freddy Mercury."
We will keep you up to date as we follow this story. Stay Tuned.
In what can only be called a landslide victory, Rob and his running mate, B-wack, have defeated the other candidates in this year's Octobeard election.
Speeches to follow...
Its time to get out the vote! In this first installment of the (maybe) annual DC*B OctoBeard election, we have a race that is in a dead heat, and YOU are the deciding factor! The Rules are thus: Voting starts now and continues until the Presidential election is called. We will call the vote NO SOONER or LATER. Any votes cast after the general election ends WILL NOT BE COUNTED. Only ONE vote per person. No Exceptions.
And remember people - vote with your head, not your emotions.
And now, the candidates:
THE INCUMBENT - Rob reigns supreme in the beard growing arts, and has the experience people respect. He is up for another term.
HIS RUNNING MATE - Bwack is a relative newcomer to beard growing, but has impressed people the world over with his abilities and folksy hair growth.
WHERE THEY STAND ON THE ISSUES:
*They believe in putting beards first.
*Everyone has the right to a beard.
*Its your beard, you worked hard for it, and no one should be able to take it away from you.
*A beard begins the day you do not shave. That said, everyone has the right to own a beard trimmer.
*No new mandatory trimming!
THE OPPOSING CANDIDATE - Hogan offers change in beard growing. Also, hope for future beards.
HIS RUNNING MATE - Mark has a beard that is strong on jawlines, as well as mustaches.
WHERE THEY STAND ON THE ISSUES:
*Yes they can.
*No one with under 250 follicles will notice any difference. After that, we need to spread the beard around.
*"You can put conditioner on a beard, but its still a beard!"
LAST MINUTE WRITE-IN CANDIDATE: TICKET 3
THE STACHE-ATARIAN - Not happy with a simple two party system, Jack has entered the race at the last minute in true maverick style.
WHERE HE STANDS ON THE ISSUES:
*America needs more than two parties. A mustache is just as viable an option in a leader as a beard.
*Only through mustaches can peace and prosperity be realized.
*Individuals are free to grow mustaches without the interference of any governing beard policy.
*"The current big Beardastration has made a mockery of individuals rights with regards to facial hair, and needs to be scaled back in significant fashion. Preferably in the form of a mustache."
Ticket 1, Ticket 2, or Ticket 3?
This is the most important election we have had amongst the band in a long time. DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY! VOTE NOW!!!!!!!!
DC*B/TDA News Archive
This is an archive of the news feed on the official DC*B website, official DC*B myspace, and official TDA website from 2002-present.