������?So, how long did you say you brush your teeth for??
������Inner monologue: NOoooooooooooooooo!
������?19 seconds, huh? That's not really all that long. I?ll be sure to stay a good distance from you. Hahahaha. See you later.?
������Inner monologue: Keep smiling you fool! Make a joke about funny it was to brush your teeth in front of Vanna White and send them on their way! Vanna White! Do they not realize the gravity of the situation? It was awkward, for crying out loud! IT WAS AWKWARD!
������It was strange, and I feel all right fessing up to it now. Brushing your teeth is a very personal activity, believe it or not. It would be almost as strange if Vanna was waiting for you outside of the bathroom stall. The only thing more embarrassing is how many people have seen the now famous toothbrush infomercial, and I have not!
������People I don't know approach me about the commercial. People I haven't talked to in years get in touch with me just to say that they saw me on TV, and boy was it amusing. E-mails come in from folks that I may never meet saying how funny the thing is.
������As I see it, this poses three problems. Problem number one: We need to see the commercial. I am not the only band member to be out of the loop. Therefore, we are proposing the following incentive. If somebody out there tapes the infomercial, in its entirety (apparently some of us are seen only at the beginning) and they send the tape to us, that person may or may not receive a prize. It may or may not be a really good prize. You may or may not want to brag to all your friends, making them wish that they had the foresight to accomplish such a task. This is a good incentive, no?*
����� Problem number two: the small matter of $100 compensation. In the signed contract it was stated that if we should appear in the commercial, a check for $100 would be sent via mail. No one, as of yet, has received said check. If someone out there should feel so inclined to send me (and only me) $100, then they shall be held in my good graces for a length no shorter than the current calendar year.**
������Problem number three: my chronic halitosis. This is a personal issue that I blame not on shiftless tooth brushing but on a case of acute sinusitis. No amount of Listerine can correct this problem for long. Readers are encouraged to take into account that I have not had a cavity in years. So there.
������In conclusion, send us tape, send me 100 bucks, and don't invade my personal space. Oh yeah, and keep reading the website.
* Mailing Address:
���Waco, Tx. 76706
Attn: Toothbrush Stars