Wait a second... This is for the DCB website, eh? Ok, let me try again...
2002 crept out the door like a feeble old man. The small loincloth he was known for was of little protection against the harsh wind and snow that whipped the winter night into a gray stew. Upon reaching the door he turned his head to get a last glance at his successor, crying and sniveling like the baby he was. And how could a such a small thing look so smug? Was it the black top hat? The pretentious monocle? 2003 would never live up to its expectations, he thought...
Too much, you say? You don't like the metaphor of the old man and the kid? Are you sure? Ok, ok, fine. I’ll do the news like normal. Sue me if I thought the column could use a little dramatic flare...
2003 is going to be great! As we here at the David Crowder Band begin to hammer out the details of the new year, it is become exceedingly clear that you, the faithful fans, should be so excited that you can hardly stand it! This year is going to be huge!
So, in light of your impending excitement, get ready! Youth ministers, trim your gotees! Here comes the list of super duper, and by no means confirmed, events for the DCB in 2003!
January: The East Coast Extravaganza! I don't know how long it will be, or where it will take place, but I know that the city of Boston will be involved at some point. You would think I would know, but, um, well, I don't have an excuse. If you live somewhere near the eastern seaboard be sure to check the schedule on this very website.
February: Hmmm... you might want to check the schedule for this one, too. If I remember right, there is a small mini tour in California (west siiieeed!). We aren't haters, as you can see by the fact that we are spending equal time between the two coasts. No rivalry here. Nope.
March: Check the website. Meteorologists predict strong winds and messy hair. This will not be a problem for guitar player Jason Solley, who currently holds the monopoly on hair products.
April: Ok, I know for a fact that in the fine month of April the band will retreat back into their secret dungeon and create the best album ever. So maybe it wont be the best record ever, but it will be darn good. Or perhaps it will be the best record ever.... Just keep in mind that you wont hear it until later in the year. Unless of course you keep up with the website and are lucky enough to catch a demo that is posted up. Did you catch that? Watch the website, watch the website... Weather should consist of frequent showers.
May: Who knows? I’ll bet you can guess my advice. That's right, website. And I bet you thought I would mention something about May flowers, huh? NO! LOOK AT THE WEBSITE!
June - August: Man, its crazy hot in the summer. The best way to beat the heat is the old summer festival. In between road trips with your buddies you can hang inside and check out the adventures of our favorite super hero, Strong Bad, on homestarrunner.com. Dag, yo!
September: RECORD RELEASE! (we hope) This is what the whole year leads up to! (we hope) Youth ministers can once again trim their gotees in excitement! (we hope)
The rest of the year: Does it really matter? Did you not see what happens in September?
So what did you learn from all this? Let me summarize: Website, Strong Bad, and the new album. You should be good to go. And if I can keep from being too lazy, you will be privy to current news articles weekly. But that means you’ll have check the website on a regular basis...